It rained on Sunday. Some light showers organized by God did us a favor and cleared the dust when our football team had a one goal draw with Uptown F.C. It was sad for the whole management since we have not lost any game this season and we plan to perform even better. That is irrelevant. So, while going home, I came across this pool of water full of bull toads. The crocking was deafening. I stood there for a minute or two asking myself why on earth would these poor fat-looking creatures be duped into coming out of their aestivation haven and dive into a small pool of water then start calling for mates. Poor little creatures, it is only a day and rains in Nairobi start falling as from 17th march which is close to two weeks away. Even if they were to be successful and call a bunch of females then make babies, sorry, tadpoles, they won’t survive. Global warming is here and we are not sure whether it is going to rain this month, leave a lone 17th of this month.
Anyway, on my way to the house I came across other toads, perhaps they were the mates heading to the pool and I must have run over a few or even scared some away. On Monday and Tuesday, the croaking was still there but on Wednesday, the pool was not only silent but the water level had receded. Maybe they had given up and gone back to hide under some stones nearby or they could have finished their God given mandate; Multiply and fill the world. If they gave up, it was bound to happen and it was expected. Life for frogs and toads is short and they can’t spend all of it crocking.
Something else that is expected is the short life cycle of going to the gym. I have had friends and close members of the family who resort to going to the gym to cut a few grams of weight and remain fit or at least boost their confidence and it always never gets beyond two months. Most of them never meet their expectations and I always find that strangely satisfying to my ego. Some of them will hire the best trainers, some will pay a fortune to drive daily to the gym, some will buy sophisticated machines, some will buy an assortment of heavy metals but none of them will walk to the market. None of the people that I have observed has ever sat down and admitted that they are losing the battle to their stomach, a fleshy elastic bag.
These guys who are on the quest for losing weight, will do anything to lose the extra fat. Tell them that flying to Mecca has proven to make people lose weight, they will spend money on that. Tell them to buy some elastic pipe and put them around their bellies at night when they sleep and they will buy all colors of that just in case color is a factor. Tell them to reduce what gets into their stomach and they will kill you. Just like modern day Christians, they believe what they are told in the internet or by some happy arse town boy making money out of their misfortune.
Weight caused by excessive body fat is bad. Not only does it pull down your confidence, it also lies to women that they have big buttocks and men will tell you that they just love seeing that but not having sex with it. It is in fact a great distraction in great sex. Body fat also comes with other vices like all the cardiovascular conditions, support and skeletal tissue is affected, and general performance goes down when you are fat. I don’t praise being skinny either. It is a disaster when you are with your peers and that is where it ends. The general public therefore wants to be toned a bit and will do anything for it, except watching what they eat. The public is fed with lies and its mouth is wide open taking down its throat, every bit of it.
The number one lie that I know is that one should avoid meat and stick to fresh fruits and juices. Everyone knows that the fattest animals in the wilderness are herbivores and the leanest are carnivores. The reason is simple, they are always eating, or sleeping and the food is plenty for them. So, when someone tells you to avoid meat or red meat for that instance, it is because you are lacking self-control. It all boils down to self- control. Yes, the one that Paul talks about in one of his letters. See, a lion will eat a half a thigh of a buffalo then stay for three to four days without shoving anything down its gut. That creates a perfect balance. If you cannot stop eating meat which has very little carbohydrates and more proteins and you blend three mangoes which have a lot of sugar and vitamins A and C, you are doing a lot of goat painting. First of all, you have broken down the fiber in your blended concoction which is going to increase the bioavailability of glucose in your gut. Your body will then absorb a lot of sugar even before absorbing your so called miraculous vitamins. Secondly it is going to slow down food in your gut. Remember that you have reduced the grip of roughage through blending and your peristalsis is going to be cigarette slow. Food will take its time in your alimentary canal and the micro-villi will do what they do best: absorb as much as they can. Don’t blend your fruits. Eat them, that is why God gave you teeth, a tongue and some saliva then said that it is perfect before going to rest. Wait a minute. I forgot to curse that thing called sugarcane juice. All the fiber is removed and all you drink is the sweet syrup. Oh good God in heaven!
Don’t buy the detox claptrap. You are fat, you are not intoxicated and by the way, what toxin is this that your body especially the liver cannot break down and the rest of your body excrete? If your liver can break down the heavy metal contained in tattoo ink, what will a ratio of bananas, celery, green collards, oranges, a single slice of bread, unflavored yoghurt table grapes and (put your vegetables and fruits here) passing through your gut do? Will it go running down the gut threatening all the adipose tissue under your skin before finally landing in the rectum? Detox is the worst lie that people buy, especially women. It is like the lies that grains of barley buy every day when they are sprayed with water. The poor little things always think that water comes from rain and they are always like,’ Yay! The rain is here. I have got to get my sugars going. Hey enzymes, start digesting that starch over there and make some roots. Where will I put my new leaves?’ As soon as the roots are out and the leaves are popping with joy, the brewer shouts,’ I have got yah!’ and pours all the idiotic grains of barley into a container of hops to make alcohol. Don’t buy that detox nonsense.
The arithmetic of weight loss is simple. Eat less than what your body requires. The body will realize this and start unpacking the excess to keep you going. Some will say that you can go to the gym. They are right and that is true but the problem with going to the gym is that you are not treating the cause. You are just managing the symptoms. All you are doing is burning the excess fat but you have not touched the source of this fat; your diet. When you are giving up on your gym, you have not sorted the input of that excess sugar and your body will still put in more fat. I have always done this and it has always worked for me. To prove that concept, I have at some points of my life lost 1.5kgs a week just through watching what I eat. That does not mean that I now have to be super cautious with what I eat. I can say that I am privileged to eat anything that I want but with moderation. I also do a lot of hands on work. I walk to the supermarket. I wash my own clothes. I clean my utensils and the house. I build my own stuff and I type my work. This is being productive, putting my muscles to work and saving that extra buck that could have gone to the gym trainer. Above all, I have been adamant to buy a fridge, a microwave and a blender. They make food easily accessible to me. I forgot something, I cook my own food and I make the effort of not tasting it unless it is on the table.
Talking of not tasting food, my mother has done some great experiments with my baby sister. Every year that she bans her from cooking our food, my sister always loses weight. Every time she is allowed, she gains it and just like the other ladies, she always appear to eat less when food is on the table.
If we can skip that, I was wondering why all women that I have seen with beard are fat. Have you ever noticed that too? This condition is called Hirsutism. I only had some rough idea that this could be due to increased production of androgens especially testosterone. This hormone imbalance can be caused by many things and the one that I knew before was Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) which only happens in women who are nearing the dreaded menopause. Of cause some medication can cause this too but I have also seen this in women who are in their 30s and I can’t conclusively confirm that they are in their pre-menopausal stages so I went to the internet and after a long search I realized that It could be caused by excess weight in women and this is always a bad signal.
It is a precursor to diabetes type 2. Here is how it comes about. Testosterone is essential in the production of estrogen and this is generally made in ovaries in women and adrenal glands. Some testosterone is also created during the conversion process in the skin, liver, brain and fat. When fat is in excess, the skin will also be in excess because it has to cover more fat that mysteriously showed up and that means that you have extra space for production of testosterone to take place. Moreover, excess fat around the abdomen leads to impaired insulin signaling. Visceral fat covers your organs especially the liver and blocks some essential pathways for normal metabolic functions. The body realizes this and therefore produces more insulin to counter it. Excess insulin leads to over-production of androgens and boom, facial hairs start shooting up, or down since your chin is…. You get it. Impaired signaling is a precursor to diabetes type 2 and that is why women with beard are almost always likely to get diabetes type 2. It is unfortunate but blame it on self-control. If you cannot sacrifice that thigh of the golden bird or the unnecessary brainwash from the internet and constant advice on how to lose weight, you kind of will get there if you are a woman but all of us are bound to suffer from the myriad number of cardiovascular diseases as long as we are fat.
I will leave with a quote from my mom: Exercise is for the heart. Eat your food with personal integrity.
